10 Lessons from a Stint in a Ph.D. Program
I recently had the opportunity to go to grad school for a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering. Fully funded. Was told I could transition from full-time to part-time in my current job. Had enough money to be comfortable. Would be doing research in a next-generation field. Living on my own in a big city. All the freedom in the world. The next four years were going to be great.
Fast forward a bit and let’s reevaluate the situation. Making 30% of what I used to was a difficult pill to swallow. The job I used to enjoy full-time became a part-time burden. The idea of research seemed glamorous from the outside, but became a nuisance due to my partial interest in the topic. The big city was incredibly isolating and lonely, likely more so during a pandemic. My schedule was mostly wide open except a few meetings and classes during the week. All the freedom meant every waking moment felt like I should be working or I’d fall behind. Four years was more realistically at least five, probably six after speaking with cohorts in the program. Maybe I had some misconceptions.
Let’s dig into this. My goal is to raise questions that allow you to unearth your true reason for going to grad school. Mostly with the optimistic hope that it could help you make a confident decision if you are contemplating a similar move.
1. You Need A Vision
You will be asked hundreds of times, “Why do you want to go back to school?”, “Why did you choose that field?”, or “What is your plan afterward?” by your family, friends, and coworkers. If you can’t quickly and confidently answer all of those questions, I encourage you to really think about your decision. The journey is not quick or easy and having only a decent idea of why you are going on it will not suffice. You need a vision. For example, I would I say I wanted to pursue an advanced degree because I was curious what it would be like, the field was interesting, and the jobs were promised to be the best of the best. I love learning so I figured I’d hit my stride and find that vision pretty quick. That was a blind wish. The problem is there are tons of interesting things to learn. There are only a couple topics that keep you up at night and energize you to do the difficult work on them necessary to succeed. You should be able to say something along the lines of, “I am going to grad school because I want to figure out how to make people walk again.” That is a vision.
2. Feel Pulled Not Pushed
You should feel as though there is no way you cannot do it. This is your calling and you are being sucked into it. No matter how many people doubt your choice and call you crazy (not directly, but we all know the feeling when someone thinks we’re crazy but tries to hide it) you should be proud to be going on the journey. Sometimes it can be easy to let others push you to do something. In my case, so many different people told me I should go to grad school that I felt pushed to try. I thought if all these people think I should go, perhaps I need to listen to the general opinion for once. I had turned down an opportunity to go a few years prior and wondered what life would be like if I had gone. So I figured others must have a better idea of what I should do with my life than I do. This is a dangerous path, especially if you like to please others. You may feel like you are letting those people down if you do not go. Do not feel compelled to please them and in doing so frustrate yourself. It is not worth it. They only see the glamorous appeal to the decision and don’t actually have to go through the day to day. That makes a difference. Pay attention to what attracts you — that is where you want to go.
3. Simulate First
Contact people in the program or a similar program and get their take on the day to day life. Ask them why they are in the program and what they think of it. Ask your potential advisor for contacts of past graduates or former classmates. Talk to everyone you can about their review of the program and get their honest opinion. Would you do it again? Was it worth it? How do I know if I am ready? What does a typical day or week look like? What can I expect during the program? What type of job can I expect? Do I even need the degree to get the job I desire? You may feel like a burden but most people are happy to help. People enjoy giving advice and feeling useful. Gather the cumulative advice and imagine yourself in their shoes.
Also ask your advisor for a sample of the work you would be involved in. Read the research papers. If they put you to sleep it might not be for you. Imagine yourself writing a paper, coming up with new ideas, and testing theories that may not work — most of them won’t. Investigate the curriculum and find syllabi online from your prospective institution or another one. The material is out there. I’d even suggest working through a course on your own. Many students don’t enjoy the coursework but you shouldn’t loathe it and not see a purpose to the material. It is much less costly to spend a dozen hours a week simulating your future before you jump into it.
Spend a few weeks taking online classes or studying in the evenings and on the weekend. Try living on an income of $20,000 a year (if you’re lucky enough to have a stipend). See if you can spend an entire unstructured day by yourself working productively on a subject. All of these are requirements or conditions of grad school. Putting yourself in the grad school simulator is a good idea to judge your true desire.
4. The Grass Always Seems Greener
From the outside, things always seem more idyllic than reality. I expected to show up to grad school and meet a bunch of driven people I could learn from. In reality, unless you are at a top ranked institution, you probably won’t notice much of a difference from the general crowd anywhere. I expected to constantly be learning interesting material that would be applicable wherever I went. Unfortunately, the classes weren’t all that different from my undergraduate engineering courses. It always felt like the real application of the material was just around the corner. Perhaps it is the nature of the field, but the examples all seemed too theoretical and simple to really be useful. It builds the foundation upon which real world experience can grow but makes you wonder if the standard institutions are not the best system for people to learn.
Also keep that in mind when you look at your current situation. We tend to overemphasize the positives for a situation we can only view from the outside. Similarly, it is always easier to be negative when you are in the midst of something. It is valuable to distance yourself from your current situation. Try to place yourself in your new desired role to see if it is really something you want to do. Put each option on the same playing field. Only then can you really compare the two.
5. Recognize the Alternatives
Recognize that traditional education is only one option. Many jobs will value experience in lieu of education, sometimes even more than education. There are only a few jobs that really require the education as most companies are aware that anyone can learn from anywhere. Results are what matter. You can go through coursework from MIT online for free. Maybe all you need is a project or two to show an employer what you are capable of. They might even see the ambition to take a class on your own on top of work as more valuable than going the standard route of traditional education. Differentiating yourself from the crowd can pay dividends. As long as you can prove your capabilities, most places don’t care how you acquired them.
6. Passion Plays a Role
Even if the field is interesting, a passion for the subject is required if you want to be a top performer. It takes significant effort to create a breakthrough. If you don’t regularly think about or do projects in the field you are going into, that is a sign you are not passionate enough. You want to be the best of the best in your department and even a strong interest will not get you there. A great student will be happy to be reading research papers in their free time. Once again, if a problem in the field does not keep you up at night, you are likely in the wrong field. Not every day will be a walk in paradise if you are passionate, but if you are never excited to work, it will be a very difficult half of a decade.
7. Location Matters
It only requires 4–7 years to obtain a Ph.D. That doesn’t seem like very long compared to a life expectancy of 80+ years but it must not be overlooked. This is commonly brought up when researching if a Ph.D. is right for you but it is easy to think you’ll be fine living anywhere for a few years. Think of it just like you would for a job. If you can’t see yourself wanting to live there long term, don’t sign up. You will have free time and will want to enjoy it. The place you live can either help or hurt your ability to enjoy your time. The program will be difficult at times. Living in a place you enjoy will help ease those moments. Schools are everywhere. Pick a location that excites you.
8. Money is a Factor
Forgoing an income is difficult to accept, especially if you had previously been earning a comfortable paycheck. Your friends will be making money. You will be scraping by if you can secure a stipend and losing money if you cannot. It can create tension when your friends feel comfortable spending money to go out to eat or attend an activity but you can’t justify using half of your food budget for the month in one outing. Even if you have enough saved up, going from continually growing your account value to watching it stagnate can be a psychological battle. A large raise four or more years in the future is a long time to delay gratification. If you don’t expect a large pay increase, you are likely financially better off in a job anyway due to the raises and potential bonuses each year. Obviously money is not all that matters, and it is more important to some people than others, but be aware of your relationship with it and factor that into your decision.
9. Listen to Your Gut
Yes, we’ve all heard it. Sometimes the most cliché sayings are the most difficult to believe, however. In my case, I had a feeling of doubt the whole time. I liked the “idea” of grad school. The freedom to make my own schedule. The collaboration with great minds. The possibility of discovering something groundbreaking. Graduating and getting a coveted position at a top global company doing work on the cutting-edge. But, for me, this wasn’t a reality. The free schedule soon warped into working all the time and feeling guilty when I wasn’t. The collaboration was limited to a couple remote hours per week and not anywhere near the depth I had imagined. The research seemed to be behind what industry was already doing everyday. And suddenly, graduation seemed like a destination after a long period of mental anguish. Your doubts will only amplify when you are in the midst of a tough patch. Your gut should agree whole-heartedly with what you decide to do.
10. Don’t Rush and Default to No
You have time, don’t rush to a decision. In my case, I had an opportunity to work as a GRA with an advisor and had about three weeks to decide if I wanted to accept. I was on the fence for most of it and only at the end did I convince myself enough to accept. I feared losing what could be my only opportunity to go to school for free in a field I enjoyed. But with work and everything else going on in life, I fell victim to the grass is greener mentality and didn’t spend enough time truly imagining my future as a grad student. If I had I probably would have realized I didn’t actually feel pulled towards the goal. I had good reasons to go but did not feel 100% compelled there was no way I couldn’t go. My vision was blank. Without true conviction, I should have defaulted to no and taken the time to truly reflect on the options. If there are any doubts, do not go. You must have a deep belief in what you are doing because you will encounter obstacles and difficult situations that will call upon it.
In the end, it was an experience I appreciated and do not regret. Unfortunately, it was a hassle for those involved in the program to have someone stop without finishing. It wasted resources, left a poor record for those who supported me, and prevented someone else from being able to go who had always known this was the path for them.
Overall, I take two main lessons from the journey. One, I should have recognized that I was trying to convince myself it was something I should do because of the possible upside. Deep down I didn’t feel pulled to commit. Two, I did not appreciate my current situation properly. I was happy in life but was always looking for something more. I fell into the trap of desire and lacked gratitude for what I had. Nothing is perfect and usually a lack of happiness is due to internal struggles instead of external circumstances. Outlook is everything. So, I now strive to be happy wherever I am at — life is better that way.
Obviously, this is only my personal experience so take what I say with a grain of salt. Be aware of your reasons to go to grad school. Maybe you can accomplish your ambitions through a different means. That was the case for me. If you cannot or do not want to go a different route, by all means go for it and commit to doing your best work. I do not mean to tell anyone not to go to grad school, but I do hope this helps someone determine if they are simply interested in the idea or totally committed to the journey.
